Week Ten Blog

Psychological effects of a death of one’s parent.

This is a fascinating chapter because it’s not something we talk about a lot. As I have gotten older it has become less of a “taboo” never the less I think it’s something that should be more acceptable to talk about. Growing up I lost great aunts, great grandparents, friends and acquaintances but it wasn’t until 2010 I had my first major loss of a friend I was close to. I think that this loss prepared me for the loss of my mother the following summer. My mother fought and lost an exhausting battle with cancer on June 8, 2011. She went in for a surgery to remove fluid from her heart and made it out of surgery but never regained consciousness. I was the only person at the hospital with her at the time. She made plans for what she wanted to do after surgery; she didn’t think she was going to die. As things started to decline I went to her house frantically to find a power of attorney but could not find one. She had a DNR and a DNI (do not intubate). Intubating her would only have prolonged the inevitable but she may have regained consciousness and been able to express her wishes. Unfortunately, I had to call my whole family and tell them that time was limited and to start heading our way as soon as possible. Everyone showed up and we all spent the day in the hospital room not really knowing what to do or say so we just sat around telling stories about her and talking to her. Everyone left the hospital that night except me and my uncle and she died peacefully early the next morning, in true form, like a lady, and not making a big fuss. The next few days were an out of body experience. I could not sleep, I could not eat, and I was in a state of shock. I ended my relationship and spent the next six months in isolation until I finally was able to come out of it. I was 25 when my mom passed away. Far too young. I think that the book touches on a lot of aspects of the reality of a loss parent. You lose your compass and have to accept the relationship for where it was. I guess the biggest things for me are my mom not being there for my future graduation, my wedding, my pregnancies, grandchildren, my first home, holidays, mother’s day etc. I think of all the things we will both be missing and it breaks my heart. Over time the grief has changed but it never truly goes away. My friend told me once that grief starts out as a boulder, like in those first few months. Then slowly over time we start to learn to live again. Slowly the boulder gets smaller and smaller in size until it is a pebble; we put the pebble in our pocket. We take it out time to time and remember what we have lost. The pebble never goes away, it is always with us. I was at a friend house this weekend and her grandmother had passed away, I spent some time with her mom talking about the loss because I too know what it’s like. I know that the book said it’s different for older adults with aging parents because they can accept the loss and are less anxious. It may be different but I don’t think it’s any easier. I could see it written all over her face; she was like me, another little girl who lost her mama. I don’t think it matters how old you are, it’s still a monumental loss when a parent dies.

If I had unlimited research funds I guess I would like to know about the effects of the grieving process on family members whose loved one do not wish to have a service, or wish to be cremated. Services are for the living we all know that but what happens to people who are not able to have that closure? Or don’t have a place to visit their loved one when they are cremated. I want to know if it prolongs the grief process at all. My mom did not want any services and I know that had an effect on my grieving process.

Week 9 Blog

The Forgetting.

After watching “The Forgetting” it’s really hard to shake what you’ve just watched. The sad stories seem so far away for most young people but the truth is, unfortunately, this could be the future for many of us. With a rapidly growing population of people affected by this awful disease. Alzheimer’s is a disease or family of diseases that cause serious loss of memory, cognitive and behavioral changes. The hippocampus is the first part of the brain effected, damaging synapses, and destroying memories. The disease continues to destroy neurons, shrinking the brain. The loss of synapses causes loss of new thoughts, personality’s changes, emotional mood swings, and basic functions are ravaged. The stages can drag out for up to twenty years or as short as eight years. Typical onset for this disease at age 60. With a typical age of retirement in the United States at age 61, and many medical problems beginning around the same age I wonder if it’s really any fair? Of course life is not fair I understand that but it seems unfortunate to spend your whole life working, having a family, making money, to retire at an age in which you cannot enjoy it.

My mom did not have Alzheimer’s but she did have chemo and radiation for 8 years off and on and I experienced a lot of personality changes, mood swings etc. when caring for her and that was definitely a challenge. It was emotionally, physically and spiritually draing.  I cannot imagine what it’s like for families caring for individuals suffering from this disease. Along the challenges of caring for the disease comes the likelihood that future generations will also suffer from the disease. Having the gene for early onset Alzheimer’s gives a likelihood of 50% percent of having the disease.

Currently there is not cure for Alzheimer’s, there are medications to treat symptoms but still no cure.

If I had unlimited finances I would like to conduct research on how to eradicate this disease. Find options for prevention, and ways to treat symptoms.

 

 

Week 7 Blog

Trying teens as adults

In a very small section of our text they address juveniles tried as adults. Normally crimes committed by a minor are handled in the juvenile justice system, unless the crime is serious or violent. The books prompts us to ask ourselves if the age should be lowered to be tried as an adult given everything learned in this chapter. In my opinion there are many factors that are involved in committing a serious and violent crime for anyone. Mental health, environment, chemical dependency, socio economics etc. I do take those crimes seriously but I think that any child that commits a serious or violent crime should be assessed, and all circumstances should be taken into consideration before they decided to try them as an adult. It is obvious by our text that teenage brains are not always fully capable of understanding the impact of their crime. When I was in high school a neighborhood boy named Ryan Alexander (16 at the time) killed an 8 year old Michael Busby with a lethal dose of insulin. He also beat the young boy and cut him. I was acquainted with both of these boys and it was a shock to the whole town. In one of the articles they described Ryan Alexander’s bedroom having pictures of nude children and books on how to kill with needles. He was obviously a disturbed child. He used to walk around in all black with a trench coat on, never a smile on his face, he was a creepy guy. He was also on a probationary period for other crimes he had committed. There were obviously multiple issues at play here, I think he did deserved to be charged as an adult due to all the circumstances and the premeditated nature. He received a life sentence for his crime. I’m not sure how I feel about a life sentence for a 16 year old.

I guess if I had unlimited research for this subject I would like to see a system be put into place for determining to try teens as adults. I’d also like to know how a teen could change developmentally after serving a long sentence. Could they be rehabilitated?

Week 6 Blog

Teenage Accidental Death

 

This week’s material I found most interesting and shocking was the number of firearm and motor vehicle deaths to adolescents. The difference in gender/ethnicity and cause of death is appalling. As Latin American and African American males were more likely to die to firearms and European Americans and Asian Americans were more likely to die in motor vehicle accidents. After reading our chapters this week I can see why these causes of death are so prevalent. There is a lack of development in the frontal cortex of the teenage brain, making teenagers impulsive.

 

When I was a teenager I thought I was ten feet tall and bullet proof. I used to participate in the illegal street races, shoplift at the mall, steal alcohol, and just act all around crazy. I never thought I would get caught or be in trouble. Until I was in a car accident and my mom found out. That was a big wake up call. I took a lot of risks that I look back on now and say to myself “what on earth was I thinking?” It is all part of the teenage mind.

 

Our texts says that many of these accidental deaths are preventable. Monitoring who your children are with, who is driving the car they are riding in? How old are your children’s friends? Does your child or their friends drink? Do your child’s friend’s parents have a firearm? I think those are all important things to ask of your teenager and their friend’s parents.

 

For research I would like to know if there is a socioeconomic influence on these deaths. Do these children come from home that have a single parent? Or parents that work multiple jobs? Parents who are unemployed? How much does their financial standing have to do with the likelihood of an accidental death?

Week 5 Blog

Adopted Children and Foster Homes

Our text describes “adopted child’s syndrome” as a theory that adopted children are more prone to behavioral issues, substance abuse and criminal history. In my experience this has been true. The text also states that pre-adoption experiences is what really can cause these behavioral experiences. If we know this to be true than why doesn’t it take more effort to become a foster parent? After doing some research I found that it can take 1-3 months of training or 25 to 35 hours, there is no income requirement, You can be single and unmarried, and some agencies even let you foster at only 21 years of age. Maybe these foster parents are not financially and emotionally for this responsibility. My sister was put into foster care and was shuffled from house to house because of very severe ADHD. She was a challenging child to deal with. During that time she was a victim of sexual and physical abuse by other children and adults at the various homes. Finally she was adopted at 5 years old by a family member. However, the damage had been done and she is not doing well in her life. As described in the “effects of abuse on children” section, her social and emotional development was majorly damaged which contributed to, failure to bond, poor relationships, poor academics, and eventually drug use and criminal activity.

My biggest question that I would like to investigate is, how can we make foster homes a safer environment for children? There is obviously something wrong with this system, how come nobody is fixing it?

Week 3 Blog

Father-Infant Relationships

I find it interesting that there is a lot of information about bonding and attachment that refers to the mother but there is just a short little tidbit about father infant relationships. The paragraph describes that fathers spend less time a day caring for the infant but that a bond does form. They also talk about the way that fathers play with their children and how they take a more active approach. They are more involved in physical play than the mothers.

In my household I live with a young couple that have a ten month old baby and they share the task of caring for the baby pretty evenly. I do observe more physical play from the father; he becomes like a child himself. Chasing her around, playing peek-a-boo from behind the couch, and dancing and singing with her. Is this because mothers are more tired? Or motherhood brings a seriousness that can’t allow mothers to play like children anymore?

These days the roles of parents are changing more and more. I’m curious to know about bonding and non-traditional settings; including same sex couples households, father only households, grandparent households etc. What is the effect on children who don’t have fathers? Or who don’t engage in that kind of play with adults at a young age?

Week 2 Blog

A Sense of Self............

 

I found the “A Sense of Self” article to be the most fascinating out of all the materials. The article attributes both genes, and parenting styles as primary contributors to one’s personality. The adults that we are cared for by and surround us as children play a vital role in our lives.

 

I was born to a teen mom and raised by my maternal grandmother. My genetic composition and my environment was very similar to my biological mother. We were raised by the same woman in similar socioeconomic situations. There were some variables, time period, my grandmother’s age, me not being raised with my siblings as she was, etc. However, when I met my biological mother at the age of 15, I was in for a big shock. Not only did we look alike, we sounded similar, our mannerisms were similar, and our laugh is the same to a tee. We got along very well right from the beginning. (Although, for the first few years she was more like a big sister than a Mom.) Our similar environments and genetic pre-dispositions caused us to be very similar even without having ever met.

 

I think that it would be very interesting to learn more about parenting theories and research. Both my biological mother and I were raised by the same woman but she had become quite a bit more “relaxed” with age. I’m often told I got her during her best years. She used to make my Bio Mom out out to the yard to pick a “switch” when she got in trouble. I however, was only spanked a handful of times. I come from a big family of “spankers”. I often wonder what type of parent I will be. To spank, or not to spank? I wonder what type of psychological damages spanking does? If any? Are there consequences for the child for not spanking? What kind of punishments go too far? And is it really that easy to approach your child that’s having a meltdown in the middle of a public place and talk with them calmly about why they are angry?, as the article suggests.  (I think not)