I found the “A Sense of Self” article to be the most
fascinating out of all the materials. The article attributes both genes, and
parenting styles as primary contributors to one’s personality. The adults that
we are cared for by and surround us as children play a vital role in our lives.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Week 2 Blog
A Sense of Self............
I was born to a teen mom and raised by my maternal grandmother.
My genetic composition and my environment was very similar to my biological
mother. We were raised by the same woman in similar socioeconomic situations.
There were some variables, time period, my grandmother’s age, me not being
raised with my siblings as she was, etc. However, when I met my biological
mother at the age of 15, I was in for a big shock. Not only did we look alike,
we sounded similar, our mannerisms were similar, and our laugh is the same to a
tee. We got along very well right from the beginning. (Although, for the first
few years she was more like a big sister than a Mom.) Our similar environments
and genetic pre-dispositions caused us to be very similar even without having
ever met.
I think that it would be very interesting to learn more
about parenting theories and research. Both my biological mother and I were
raised by the same woman but she had become quite a bit more “relaxed” with
age. I’m often told I got her during her best years. She used to make my Bio
Mom out out to the yard to pick a “switch” when she got in trouble. I however,
was only spanked a handful of times. I come from a big family of “spankers”. I
often wonder what type of parent I will be. To spank, or not to spank? I wonder
what type of psychological damages spanking does? If any? Are there consequences
for the child for not spanking? What kind of punishments go too far? And is it
really that easy to approach your child that’s having a meltdown in the middle of a public place and talk with
them calmly about why they are angry?, as the article suggests. (I think not)
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I really enjoy your blogs and responses to mine. I think we have several commonalities. I also didn't meet my biological mom until i was older...... 25 for me. It was bizzare how we also looked alike, sounded alike, used the same quotes, loved and disliked the same foods and had the same mannerisms. As far as the spanking part, i came from a generation of lining up for the belt. As soon as we got whacked we were right back at it misbehaving and all it did was make us fearful of our father. I don't agree with spanking nor have i ever spanked my daughter. As far as the article goes i do believe during a childs outburst calmly talking to them can work but usually you need to remove them from the public place. My daughter would do this during ages of three and four and I would just leave the store full cart and all and take her to the car. Yelling and spanking i feel only puts fear into your child of you it's not a good resolution.
ReplyDeleteWow I have to say you both have a great outlook on being raised by a parent other than your biological mothers. That is very cool. My mother was nineteen when she gave my sister (half) up for adoption. She knew she couldn't provide her with the life she deserved and needed. Mom always told me that she just "knew" that that little girl was destined for a great, loving family. As luck would have it, that's exactly what my sister got! A really wonderful family and parents. I got to meet my sister when I was 10 years old and I was just blown away by how she acted and looked. She was identical to my mother! I mean she looked younger yes but she was the spitting image of her! I always thought had we run into her somewhere on the street, she would never have been able to miss her twin. They laughed the same, throwing their heads back and using all heart for their roars, and both squinted on the same eye when they smiled. They moved similar, I gotta say with never have been anywhere near each other they sure acted almost the same in most ways. It was kind of an surreal experience to watch them together, like two parts of a mirrored reflection. Genes, environment, hereditary traits, that is some strong, unmistakable marks that are clear to even someone you've never met before.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your reflection. I think it's great that you were raised by your grandmother who could provide more stability for you. I too lived with my grandmother for a couple of years when my mother and I were not getting along in my teenage years. She had a different way of going about things, talking calmer, more trusting, gave me more lean ency, basically gave me a room to breathe to be able to make mistakes instead of preventing them. I was raised around spanking also. I often had to pick out a spoon or sometimes if it was back talking I would have my mouth rinsed out with soap. My step son has only been spanked by my husbands a handful of times and I can say that with him anyway spanking is not my form of punishment. I have only spanked him twice and neither times did I feel good about it nor did it do any good because he would come back with the "that didn't hurt" comment, so I realized it was a lose lose and that form of discipline would not work for either of us. I'm still trying to figure out different methods that will work for our relationship because I just don't feel that I am respected as a stepmother based on me disciplining him. Everything else about our relationship is great! But this is one area that I really need practice, help, guidance, and whatever else!
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